Fear of disappointing people

I have come to terms with the fact that I care way too much about what other people think about me. To be honest, if I could change any character trait about me it would probably be this.

Don’t get me wrong- I think its a good quality to be tactful, but there is a difference between general politeness and changing the way you act in order to please others

I feel that I’m getting there. I’m definitely a lot less of a slave to human respect than I was several years ago in my teens. But still I have a long way to go. And I don’t think it helps living in a society that suppresses authenticity in nearly every way possible. Nothing is real these days. Photos are taken in the best lighting, edited to the max and captioned with rubbish that distracts from the true message: ‘hey, I need a confidence boost so please like my photo and tell me I’m beautiful’. Companies are all about money, even to the point of lying about their products. Everything is geared towards squeezing the maximum amount of dollars out of a person, no matter the ethical cost. The media is fake af. They show you what they want you to see, not the truth. And people can be so charming to you in person and say the most cruel and hurtful things behind your back. Just go to an extended family gathering and you’ll see what I mean.

I am so over it- it makes me mad. It makes me sad. It makes me want to get as far away from it as possible.

As the year draws to a close I can say with a sense of sadness that I am far from the person I want to be. But my focus for 2016 is to be as real and genuine as I can- not to pander to human respect but to stand by my opinions proudly, open to being humiliated if necessary yet not abandoning my morals for the sake of any other human.

I need to tell myself, and I’m here to tell you: It’s ok to disappoint people- you can’t possibly go through life pleasing everyone and being liked by them. Some of the most inspirational people were the most hated, yet they stood by their values and did not waver. That is what made them go down in history as one of the greats of their time.

The constant desire to please people is an exhausting and fruitless endeavour that is bound to lead to disappointment in itself. Just be yourself- don’t always be afraid to express your wants and desires at the expense of inconveniencing others. Sometimes people are happy to help- and if they aren’t, that’s not your fault and you can’t do anything about their lack of selflessness. Just as experiencing disappointment will not kill you, neither will disappointing others. If we feel we have a standard to uphold and live in constant fear of not meeting expectations we are really just guilty of a secret pride that, while not as obvious as arrogance, is equally as damaging and perhaps even more dangerous.

So anyway, that’s me signing out at the end of a much-needed venting session. It feels so good to put down in words what has been on my mind for so long. I hope you can understand where I am coming from and I also hope this helps if you are like me and need to tell yourself to just quit the worrying and get on with living life- a life that’s as genuine and authentic as possible xx.







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